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One of my favourite things.

Feb. 18th, 2007 | 10:34 pm
Feelings:: fullfull

One of my favourite things to do is to take two super ice cream sandwiches, eat one of the chocolate wafers off of eaach one, and mush them together to create a Super Duper Sandwich. Store clerks, friends, and family members will likely call you one of many different vicious nicknames if you do this. Names such as porker, pumpersnickel, fatty, fatty mcfatterson, fatmandu, yokozuna, high blood pressure boy/girl, lardbucket, lardmuncher, lardbutt, lardface, or lard-o. It's ok; they're just jealous.

Link | Tell me how much you love me |

Straight backward.

Feb. 15th, 2007 | 05:57 am

Does anybody still read this?

Link | Tell me how much you love me {3} |

Sequel

Nov. 16th, 2006 | 05:21 am
Location:: Casa del Gavin
Feelings:: complacentcomplacent
Soundtrack:: Spend the Night - She Wants Revenge

Dear Mr. Gavin:

Please excuse the delay in responding to your e-mail regarding "Dragon
fruit" Slurpee(r). We will share your feedback with the appropriate
department for their review and consideration.

Janey Carpenter



I'm quite sure that I was just completely brushed off by 7-11. It's ok, though. They called me Mr. Gavin!

Link | Tell me how much you love me {1} |

Fully conjugated

Nov. 8th, 2006 | 01:46 am
Location:: The orange space
Feelings:: bitchybitchy
Soundtrack:: Remember me as a time of day - Explosions in the Sky

Now that I'm trying to cut down, I'm quite sure that you can track how shittily my days are going by how much Coke I've been consuming...
As I stare in to the throngs of empty cans on my desk:

- Mlle. Sheppherd, you're more of a bitch than you let off. Mr. Falls, I'm quite sure that you're intentionally trying to slowly bore me to death.

- I don't want to dance anymore. I am no gangster G, nor am I a ballet boy.

- Soccer should be cancelled tonight. It isn't.

- I need to contact you Bryce Taylor - why are you on vacation?

- My job is no longer fun times.

- Point form rants are the trademark of a lazy cynic.

Link | Tell me how much you love me {2} |

The cruel irony of Halloween.

Nov. 1st, 2006 | 04:42 pm
Location:: Home, James.
Feelings:: tiredOverhung
Soundtrack:: Time and Time Again - Counting Crows

The cruelest irony of Halloween is when someone gives you a whole chocolate bar for trick or treating, but the chocolate bar is an Oh Henry.

That aside; cruel, but not so ironic, is the hangover the next day.

Give me coffee.

Link | Tell me how much you love me {1} |

Phun with Fonics

Oct. 17th, 2006 | 06:26 am
Feelings:: contemplativecontemplative
Soundtrack:: Red Stars Over the Battle of the Cowshed - Protest the Hero

I am better than you. Why is this? Because the pronoun "I" takes a capital letter in the English language, but other pronouns such as "you, he, she, etc." do not. Suspicious, no? i'd say that it's definately worth some consideration.
The french "je" doesn't use a capital, nor does any other personal pronoun in any other language that i'm familiar with. We altered the language in a way that assures the superiority of the speaker over his audience. Now why would we feel the need to do that? Arrogance, perhaps? Capitalizing me makes it seem that i'm better than you, her, and him. Unless we're going to capitalize everyone (which everyone deserves because we're all special, but my pens would run out of ink faster) then this pronoun should be taken down a peg.
On the other hand, perhaps it's arrogant of me to try and alter the English language to better suit my beliefs.
Question everything.

Link | Tell me how much you love me {4} |

The things I've come to know

Oct. 12th, 2006 | 10:49 pm
Feelings:: distressedFantastic/Terrible
Soundtrack:: Glass in the Trees - Dead Poetic

What's that word for when you simuntaneously feel both like complete shit AND like you're at the top of the world? Is there a word for that, or am I just smoking copious amounts of crack?

Link | Tell me how much you love me {3} |

(no subject)

Oct. 6th, 2006 | 07:36 am

I think I'll just sleep for a while.

Link | Tell me how much you love me |

(no subject)

Sep. 26th, 2006 | 08:43 pm
Feelings:: restlessrestless
Soundtrack:: Rollover DJ - Jet

They're getting rid of it! They're getting rid of it and the end of the month. Do you know why they're getting rid of it? It's all my fault. They found out that I liked it. "They" being the big corporate assholes who can afford to make decisions based on hate towards one person rather than proper economic company-based decisions, because "they" are just that rich...

Overuse of quotation marks?

"They" actually refers to the brilliant marketeers of the 7-11 corporation. They released a fantastic new flavour of slurpee, aptly named Dragonfruit. I say that the name is appropriate because it's a simple combination of two words to achieve a newly understood meaning. Fruit, being a sometimes tangy sometimes sweet edible item, and dragons being the most kickass thing ever aside from ninjas, pirates, and zombies. Therefore, the dragonfruit slurpee is an edible version of the greatest thing that isn't a pirate, a ninja, or a zombie. Fantasmagoric, correct?

They found out that I liked it, and now they're taking it off the market at the end of the month...

Naturally, I had to try and do something about this. After a long tiem spent searching I finally got a hold of the heads of the 7-11 corporation via a high-tech electronic mailing system. This is a copy of the letter that I sent them.

"Hello dearest heads of the 7-11 corporation! I, Anthony Gavin, a regular customer of your fine stores, have a simple request to make. Although I'm sure that the impact that this one e-mail will have is minimal, I'm sure that it's better than nothing to send it. The Dragonfruit flavour of slurpee is the most fantastic flavour that I've ever tasted, in my entire life. I first had it on a road trip to Edmonton with my sister when we stopped at a Husky station in Clear Water. At that moment, I'm quite certain that I had a minor orgasm. Please do not take the Dragonfruit slurpee off the market, or you'll surely be removing a large chunk or this youngster's happiness right a long with it.
Sincerely,
Anthony James Gavin"

I do hope, not only for my sake, but for everyone's sake, that they keep the dragonfruit slurpee on the market. If not, I encourage all of you to go out and try it today. Thank you.

Link | Tell me how much you love me {1} |

GOLDILOCKS

Sep. 26th, 2006 | 08:35 pm
Feelings:: lonelylonely
Soundtrack:: When You're Around - Motion City Soundtrack

Broke in to the bear's house. Ate their food, presumably because she had the munchies. Broke their furniture, because bears are shoddy craftsmen. Passed out in the little ones bed, because it seemed like the comfiest place to crash. Rationalized? Goldilocks is a drug addict. Nothing makes sense anymore. There's a safe injection site in Vancouver baby, it's only a ferry ride away.

She was too cute to go out this way...

Link | Tell me how much you love me {1} |